Deciding to be a full time stay at home mom, work outside of the home, or work from home after you have kids is a big and usually emotional decision.
I personally don’t think there is an overarching “right” answer that fits everyone.
But, I do think there are some important things to consider when deciding to work or not as a mom. Hopefully, the thoughts in this post and the thoughts it sparks in your own head will help you come to the best conclusion for you and your family!
Be in agreement with your spouse
This is a big one. If you and your spouse actively disagree on how you should spend the majority of your time, then it will cause issues that will eventually surface and potentially disrupt the oneness we’re called to have between us.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
As women, we’re usually keen on picking up on unsaid things. We’re also good at making our husband’s words seem to confirm the idea we already have in our heads, whether that idea is correct or not.
If you feel like your husband doesn’t want you to be at home all day or spending the majority of your day at work, then it’s going to be pretty tough to feel fulfilled in your role, and more importantly, connected to your spouse.
It’s also not just about your feelings. We should be approaching things together as a couple.
Talk to your husband openly about the thoughts and emotions you have as well as real pros and cons. Let him speak about his perspective as well, and remember this isn’t a battle between you two. It’s a big and important decision that thankfully, you have someone who loves you very much to make the decision with.
Do the math
Obviously, there are some situations where finances seem to answer the question for us on whether we should work and bring in an income or not.
Even here there are some considerations to still take into account.
Ultimately, it comes down to priorities. If you staying at home with your kids is important to you and your spouse, but financially it doesn’t seem possible, maybe bringing your current standard of living to the table is something that might be helpful.
There are so many tips and tricks to not only saving money, but managing it well, and making money outside of a regular 9 to 5 job.
Some great resources in this area are Jordan Paige and The Budget Mom.
There may be some sacrifices you and your spouse are willing to make in order to reap the invaluable benefit of being with your kids more.
If you are in a financial situation where you can stay home with your kids, I say go for it! You’ll never get that time back. You can always find a way to incorporate a hobby, a small side hustle, or some other priority into your stay at home mom schedule. For some ideas on how to make this work, check out my post about my weekly routine.
Think outside of the box
Maybe a typical 9 to 5 job nor staying at home full time seems appealing to you.
There are so many moms who really want to be at home with their kids, but they also have other interests and hobbies or just want to help contribute financially while being at home.
There are many options here.
Multi-level marketing or similar companies, blogging ;), youtube, instagram, affiliate marketing, ecommerce, writing, freelancing, selling on Amazon, crafting, thrifting, baking, being a life or health coach. The possibilities are endless!
If being at home is important to you, but you still want to bring in a side income, I encourage you to sit down and think about what excites you. What did you like as a kid? What’s the thing you google or read the most about? What do your friends generally ask your advice on? If you had no kids and a completely open schedule, what would you do? What are you already doing that could in someway benefit others if you taught them or shared it with them? Now brainstorm on how you could bring in an income doing that thing.
Don’t undervalue yourself! All the businesses and side hustles that have ever existed were started by someone.
You benefit constantly from other people’s businesses. You could benefit someone else with yours. There are annoying sales people out there, but you don’t have to be one of them in order to make money while serving and bringing value to other people.
Here’s a little insight into why I started blogging.
There are also many companies now offering part time, work from home jobs since it’s so easy to do things virtually now.
Being a stay at home mom is enough
Being a stay at home mom is enough on it’s own!
It’s such a high calling to serve our husbands and kids and take care of our household.
I hear so many women say things like “all I really want to do it be a wife and mother.”
That statement or one similar to it is a lot of times followed by, “I know it doesn’t seem like a lot”, or “but I’m going to college for blank”, or “I know it’s lame, but it’s what I’ve always dreamed about”.
Stop right there.
It is a lot. It is enough, And, it’s not lame.
I know this can seem like something that’s just easy for me to say since I do work on the side while mainly staying at home.
But, before I started any online businesses, I came to the conclusion and belief that my value is not dependant on whether I bring in an income or not.
Taking care of and pouring into my husband, son, and future kids is actually more valuable than any other work I do.
I think whether any of us moms chose to “work” or not, we need to get it in our heads that “just being a stay at home mom” is immensely valuable all on it’s own! And, it’s enough if that’s all we ever do.
We are called to serve our husbands and kids first (second to God) and others after that. Yes, working and earning an income can be a way we serve our families. But, don’t believe the lie that having a job makes us any more valuable than if we didn’t contribute financially.
It’s okay to work outside of the home
Maybe you’ve done the math and it’s not enough. Maybe you have a degree in a career that you actually love. Maybe your dream never was to be at home full time with your kids.
That’s okay.
The wives and mothers who stay at home full time are not the only ones who serve their families well.
Some of us thrive in the workplace and love on our babies and kids more when they’re not in our arms 24 hours a day.
Don’t let anyone tell you that because you work outside of the home, you’re not a good mother.
Set your priorities and serve your family well, knowing that you answer to the Lord for how you loved and obeyed Him, not how well you lived up to other people’s opinions and expectations of you.
Pray about it
Don’t skip this one.
Praying about how you should be spending your hours and what you should be putting your energy towards is the most important step.
Why on earth would you want to make this decision on your own when you could ask the One who knows it all, even the future!?
He knows how you’ll handle being at home or working. He knows what your family needs financially. He knows what will happen to you, your spouse, and your kids in the future and what each one will need.
So ask Him!
He wants to tell you.
He wants to partner with you.
God has directed me each step of the way when it comes to my career.
He lead me to be a hairstylist, which was my first career. I knew since I was 5 years old that it’s what I wanted to do and the Lord confirmed it to me as a teenager.
He clearly showed me that Micheal was supposed to be my husband which meant that I would be working side by side with him for several years starting up our own chiropractic practice.
He then gave me a heart to want to stay at home with my kids and softened my husband’s opinion on the matter to give me the freedom to do so.
And He spoke to me about using the voice He’s given me as I was praying about working online in a few different capacities (blogging being one of them).
So, I encourage you to seek God on what He wants you to do and leave the door open for it to change over time. You’re not a failure if now looks one way and 6 months, a year, or longer from now looks different.
Follow the Lord and walk hand in hand with your spouse as you serve your husband and kids the best way you can!
And enjoy the ride!
Share your journey
In the comments, tell us what your perfect scenario looks like whether it’s just a dream now, or if it’s your actual reality.
Also, tell us what helped you make the decision to do what you’re doing, or what’s currently holding you back.
You guys have wisdom that I don’t, and maybe someone has been praying for the answer you could give them in the comments.
Don’t be shy!
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